Life as a child is not easy. Life as a mommy is not easy. But what exactly is easy?But does that mean children should bear the burden of their parents’ worries?
NEVER.
But sadly, they do!Every time a parent display disappointment with their kids’ grades, studies, career choices…the children bear an impact bigger than parents can ever imagine. And that’s the secret – Children understand your worries. They get your vibes.
That’s why the ITC Classmate Television commercial #BeBetterThanYourself touched my heart even more. Children know when you are disappointed.
At home, we try talking to each other through our brain waves. Yes, it sounds weird but try it with someone who gets your vibes and you will know what I mean. When people sync together (like your Gmail accounts over devices do) they understand each other’s thought processes. That’s why as a parent, you and me, we have our work cut out. Children will know when you don’t believe what you say. They will see whether you walk the talk. Raising a good child obviously starts with the parent.
If we want them to do well in life we have to give them resources but not spoon feed. We have to give them a blueprint but encourage charting own course. As a parent, we all want the best for our child. But what if you feel what they are doing is not good enough? Should we scold them? Not say anything? Judge ourselves? Think we have failed?
No, no, no!
The key to this is the balance. The time of adolescence is when the brain biochemistry undergoes massive changes. People are sensitive, malleable and are likely to test boundaries. All of which are important. The sensitivity makes them pick up your body language cues. The malleability makes them accept your guidance even if its silent. Testing boundaries are good. Encourage them to do their best. Regular study habits and timely revision will make exams stress free for you and her. Early habits go a long way.
When children don’t do according to capacity, its time for a talk. It’s time to check those leaks. Talk to her ask her what the issue is. Try to help guide and make her find her own solutions.
ITC Classmate’s Be Better Than Yourself television commercial stole my heart. It says exactly what we should say as parents.
But what about marks, grades, ranks?
I am a doctor and I have always done well in exams consistently. But I have rarely come first in school exams. I think I had too much going on inside my brain. This was something my mom used to say
Try to do your best. Go one step ahead with every exam. Look at your own report cards, not others.
In our entrances, I chose to sit only for premeds and not the engineering entrance whereas combined exams were such a rage. I just didn’t find my calling there. But being a doctor was a dream! My mother supported me in this choice. But she was worried. By God’s grace things worked out.
As a parent, you and I have the important task of speaking to a mind which is growing into an adult. They are open to ideas, thought processes and lifestyle habits. They need to know that doing well in exams are important. Learning is important, getting good grades are important. But most important is this realization that self-improvement through education helps you first.
When I ask my daughter what she wants to be when she grows up. She says she wants to be a Doctor like mommy and daddy so that we can be together even when we work. She also plans to have a cake shop where we can bake together. Daddy and she in charge of the actual baking, mommy in charge of the brainstorming recipe and the marketing. Also, she will be working on our blog with me before bedtime.
This made me smile.
I forgot to tell you, we also want to learn to fly one day Maybe a bird will teach us or a technology will be available. But with children, we need to start dreaming. Make them feel accomplished with what they draw for you and make for you. But set benchmarks, to make them realize that life is easy and fun only on the surface. But you need to do the hard work and smart work on time.
Childhood and adolescent are the time for growing physically and mentally and becoming stronger.
As a parent, we need to learn how to help them and support them reach their potential, make their spirits smile and guide them gently. But also teach them to choose. Choose to do the right thing. Choose the good friend. Choose the right path.
Choose self-sufficiency and smart work. Realize that each of us has something special in us. Life is a maze challenge where the pot of gold is actually the treasure inside you which you have to find.
3 Things you should not discuss in front of your child
- Some other child’s result or their parents.
- Criticize their teachers.
- Blame yourself or her.
[bctt tweet=”Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. ― Oscar Wilde” #BeBetterThanYourself #ITC Classmate username=”misra_amrita”]
The truth of the matter is employability of education and skills are important. While being an expert at something is always recommended there is no harm in pursuing creative fields too. Its a world of enormous potential. It’s time to be an expert generalist. But make it fun. Education and learning are great. What’s not fun is making it boring. As a parent, we need to make it relatable, guide and help choose. We need to encourage self-improvement and not an external comparison. We need to always strive for excellence inside and outside with the only competition being own self! And that is where the mother in the ITC Classmate #BeBetterThanYourself campaign is bang on when she tells her daughter
[bctt tweet=”“yeh doosron ko nahin…khud ko beat karne ke liye” ITC Classmate #BeBetterThanYourself” username=”misra_amrita”]
Sharing is good Karma!
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Trying my best to be a parent who celebrates the kid in everything that she achieves or not.
Just sometimes I wish I had a mute button too????????.. I wonder at the power of certain parents who just give a look and the kids are like saints!!!! ????????????
Such an amazing post, I am totally agreed with each point. yes! each child is unique and so their talent and capabilities too, and as a parent we should never compare kids especially in a negative manner. thanks a lot for reminding.
Glad you liked this post Surbhi.
We need to focus on skills and employability or the concept of learning to be self reliant. Along with it when we introduce dignity of labor will we see some quality education and learning.
Such a delightful post. I agree with you that education is important but it should be fun for kids rather than being a burden.
Amazing and informative post. Very useful and beneficial tips for parenting.Great thought.
This post is like an eye opener for every parent, as we always expect little more from our kids and want more than our expectation. Expectation won’t allow our kids to fly on their own. Only we need to encourage and support them.
True that.
I completely agree with your views on the whole parenting scenario. We seem to be inhibiting our kids by our own insecurities. There is a dire need to create awareness about this issue among the parents.
Absolutely agree to the three points mentioned, not to do with kids. Comparison develops inferiority complex, hatred in kids and they feel bogged down. Good post indeed. #superbloggerchallenge #instacuppa
This is an amazing post. I believe these intricacies are not always discussed in details but they are important, very important. The bringing up of a child, is like bringing up the brain of the society n it should be done with greater care. Wonderful, will share with my friends who r all new parents.
P
Thank you
Love how it ends with the thought that we are our own competition. Kids should remember this
Yes, I feel thats important.
Very relevant points, we should never criticize the child or his friends and teachers.
I saw this video where it was said// “never ask your son/daughter what they would like to be when they grow up… It restricts them into a narrow line of thinking. Rather one should ask them how they would like to contribute t society when they grow up.” Made sense to me but my kid is to young for this stage 🙂
Thats amazing!
Great points. Agree with all of them. This post reminded me of how my parents brought me up in my academic life.
#SuperBloggerChallenge2018
Thats wonderful to know
Nice quote to end the insightful topic.
What a beautiful thought and you write it so succinctly and to the point. Absolutely I agree never compare your children with others. Let the child develop their own course and never impose your ideas on them especially career options. Guiding them is all we should do without influencing them.
Amazing post! Describes the mother child relationship in the best way. This idea looks amazing too.
Aww your daughter is so sweet. Indeed we should always encourage to do Their best instead of forcing our expectations on them
Yes all are valid points. It’s good to practice good things like not criticizing the kid or comparing them with friends or siblings.
It’s hard for me buts doable. At times being better than yourslef can get tiring and exhausting. But it’s doable.
Totally agree to it. Just as you said, there no point in making things boring for the kids. #superbloggerchallenge2018 #instacuppa
I liked your mom saying look for your own reports and not others. Often we as parents expect a little more from our children depending upon their preparations but we forget that a child should perform naturally and not any pressure
True.
This is so true! Every child is different and being a parent the best that we could do is let them be!
Yes definitely to some extent.
In modern times it is important to treat your child more as a friend than a subordinate. At a very young age of course we need to control them a bit. But as they gradually grow we have to allow them to stand shoulder to shoulder with us.
Food for thought.
Hello Dr. Amrita. Almost all points discussed by you in #BeBettterThanYourself are practice-worthy .
Thank you, Sujata.
Unfortunately in the name of “competition” most of the parents are focused on the marks of their children, they really have lack of time to think about these issues or may be they dont have consciousness that their activities have big impact on their children.
Loved reading this post, very much logical and psychological.
Thank you Jyotirmoy.Everything starts with education.Thats why I think parents worry!
Valid points Amrita. Kids read our reactions so well. We have made a conscious effort to not fight in front of the kids and not criticise his teachers. He is too young for marks and exams yet.
#SuperBloggerChallenge2018
Oh yes.Wise decisions indeed.
In our time there was no such option as aptitude tests to determine what we best suited for, was there? I think this generation is lucky they have such options.
Thats true