To make anyone listen is difficult. To make anyone hear and do what you want is, what the book How to Win friends and influence people is all about.
Unfortunately, I found it rather late.But luckily God has always given me the guidance to find the right way to fight my battles. No two person is similar so what works for one may nit work for the other.
When I was a teenager, I used to read Readers digest, a lot.Relationship articles were always insightful.One such article had once said. If you ask your husband what he is thinking, he will answer,
9 Times out of 10 this the truth and the 10th time it’s probably the last match he watched!This doesn’t mean men are not into deep thinking ,they just rarely ponder and over think like we do.
I know my husband for 17 years (we are best friends since Medical college )and going to enter our 9th year of being married.
10 Steps Make Hubby Hear: Ignore these at Your Own Peril
- Pick your battles.Don’t try to win all arguments. I am bad with this but trying to work on it.I suffer from the delusion of
I am always right!
Deep introspection over the last year, has made me realize even if I am right ,(which is relative, in the bigger scheme )my methods of doing the right thing is no way a winner.
So now when I start a discussion, I tell that to him upfront.
See I have been 99 %right about reading situations, but 50%wrong about the right way to deal with it.You on the other hand font need to read self-help books to find working solutions.So help me out here.
Surprise!Though he looks a little skeptical at the 99%thing, he is more amused and relaxed than defensive now.Must have this relaxed body language, when you are discussing important topics.Stress shows and the other person reacts to it, badly.
- 2. If possible jot down on small pieces of paper, the points to discuss, like you would in a meeting.Keep all emotions, except kindness and love, off the conversation. That means no emotional outbursts.Difficult but must do.
Shouldn’t burn down your home to solve problems.Also, hysterical female, damsel in distress, should only be your last resort!
- 3 .Look at his eyes.If he starts avoiding eye contact, it’s time for a cup of coffee and take a step back.Refusing to meet your eyes is a sure shot indication he has no intention of agreeing to your ideas.
- 4.Don’t do it in front of kids.Kids need to be kids and you never know what they repeat.Also, the following tactics may be needed:
a.You might need to sit on his lap to win the battle.
b.You might need to kiss him, to show it’s you the woman he loves and not an adversary.
c.At the worse, you may turn into a screeching banshee.
In front of kids, it’s, unfortunately, the 3rd one which makes things worse.
- 5.Never give negative ultimatums.They hardly ever work to get you the results.More likely it will make the problem worse.
I am more likely to say
You will need to take me for weekend breaks every month ,if this doesn’t work out!
This doesn’t make him feel bad and makes me feel even better, even when I don’t get my own way.Either way , guess who has a good time?
- 6.Ugly truths presented horribly have useless results.There’s no way you can win here.Try to be neutral and analytical,rather than irritating.But I must tell you, being a wife and being irritating, goes hand in hand during these times.
- 7.Wear lipstick and look pretty.Arguments are easier to win, when you look pretty.Believe me, it’s nothing do with vanity and everything to do with armor.Never go into tricky situations, looking less than your best.
- 8.Don’t go to bed with a fight in your heart.When you go to sleep it should always be with love in your heart and not bitterness.
You may feel , it’s always you, who does the reaching out, to give a hug. Remember all relationships are equal but not necessarily in everything. Sometimes it’s 40 /sometimes it’s 70 / 30.
The right thing is not always easy and the easy thing is not always right. #drAwrites #MMM @Deepagandhi1 Click To Tweet
- 9.Try to make your hubby your friend.It’s easier to argue with a friend than a husband.Make it a game.You lose some and you win some.That’s life too.Sometimes you need to be a little roundabout.But you have to find a way, that works My opening lines for arguments are always
All disagreement I may have is as a friend.All agreements as a wife !
- 10.When in doubt, look sad and try the ‘damsel in distress ”thing.Okay, it may or may not work.But you never know until you try.Also be careful that you are honest with yourself.Why you do, what you do is not something anyone can help you with.
Comment below and share your tips to make hubby listen?
Writing this for #MondayMommyMoments