Kindness cannot be taught ,it has to be felt. Children are like sponges.They respond to loving and cuddles in the same way you would.Plus they learn from you to be whatever way works.
If perseverance is a quality I want her to develop for her success in life.The kindness I want her to learn to enjoy that success with people who love her.
Kindness begets kindness.While it’s not possible to be kind to everyone at heart , our words should never be unkind.Harsh words can scar deeper than swords.Once when Rai was upset about a sketch pen set I couldn’t find she looked mutinous and said,
No you have to find it.You are a bad mommy!
I knew it was a momentary thing for the little one, it still it broke my heart.I thought back to the times I have told her she is being a naughty girl.Since patience is a virtue which has long since been a personal struggle I decided to have a talk with my hubby.My hubby is one of the kindest most patient people I know.He can speak kindly even when angry.So here I was waiting for some wisdom to be revealed.
He said something very simple.
Whenever you want to say something harsh to someone, just take a deep breath, and in that moment think.Would you want to hear the same if the tables were turned?
Interesting !In moments of self-congratulatory righteousness, we often forget how the other person feels.That’s empathy when we feel others pain by Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Mommy learnings about kindness
- While scolding Rai I try to show firmness and kindness.I criticize the action.Not the little person our future adult.
- I have a monthly ritual.I make her choose the games and toys she wants to gift to another child who has less.This way she will learn (hopefully) that, what she has is a blessing.Many children live with less.Teaching them thankfulness is a good way to raise happy, well-adjusted children.
- Rai has been watering plants and helping me in the garden since she learned to walk.So she knows about taking care of living things.She has never torn a flower or a leaf without my permission.Occasionally she does want to pluck flowers, which I allow if they are at least one day old.Tearing leaves, not watering the plants is being unkind to them.This I think was easy to instill in her, as she saw me always taking care of plants.
- We have an aquarium.Initially, she used to tap at the wall of the aquarium forcefully and the little goldfish hid from her.But once I reminded her about her fear of the doorbell ringing loudly and loud firecrackers, she understood.Now she gently taps on the walls.A few plants and pets help children appreciate life and teach them about kindness, by doing.Vague gyaan rarely works on children.They need to see and feel the effect of kindness.I am a plant and fish mommy too.Rai knows she has plant and fish sisters & brothers !
- Always being kind to people who help us.The grocer, maid, gateman, driver, neighborhood shop uncle everyone needs to be thanked.I ask her to use the three magic words, please, thank you and sorry and mean it!Make them understand, the important service these people give and what would happen if they disappeared.Imagine the workload, when your maid does a disappearing act!You will see an instant lowering of voice.
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- I avoid arguing about volatile topics, in front of Rai.Occasional disagreements are okay.But if I am afraid of turning into a screeching banshee, I keep it for after she sleeps.Okay, not the best solution.But the only thing I can manage now! The most difficult part of being kind is when you are angry.
Are you kind when you are angry?As a parent, my challenge is to walk the talk.So difficult.It’s a tough battle when I need to work on me before I can tell Rai to be good.But that’s the best, as well as the challenging part of motherhood.It’s a learning journey where self-improvement is one of the definite results.No mom wants their child to grow up unkind and vitriolic.So mommy needs to watch that tongue.
Writing this for #MondayMommymoments prompt this week.
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I enjoyed this post very much. Like your husband, mine is able to speak kindly under pressure. It’s beautiful to watch. I’ve learned so much from him on this matter, and I try to practice understanding how the other person feels before I say something.
Its a heart warming topic and the ways you teach your little girl kindness is simply awesome. Thanks for sharing the tips and I personally loved writing on this topic
Lovely post Amrita. SO many good points you shared and I am glad you are raising Rai to be a sweet and kind girl. Small things of kindness and empathy matters a lot.
Thanks Deepa
Beautifully express Amrita, I love the way you engage little Miss Rai with plants and animals – this shall go a long way in raising their Emotional Quotient (EQ)
Thanks Nidhi
Amrita, this is a very kind post. Kindness is most questioned when you are angry. And yes I ma working it. Kids irritate at different levels but yes what I say to them should not be hard enough to leave an impression on her little heart.
I do strive to teach my kids kindness. It is a struggle at times when they are bullying each other because they learned it from somewhere else. It seems like kindness and patience is a lost art.
This is so true. I’m not yet a mom but I’m the eldest child in my family. My mom and dad are my inspiration and even sometimes they’re imperfect, I would be lucky to be like them someday. And that just means most kids idolize their parents
I totally get where you are coming from, when my daughter was little I always tried to talk to her calmly even when i was beyond angry! It really does help with communication over all!
Very powerful message Amrita! We can’t teach kindness to children unless we set examples for them. I really admire your parenting style, the way you’re teaching Rai to take care of plants and fishes is quite amazing!
What wonderful things you’re teaching your “future adult!” I love the thoughts and know kindness begets kindness. I need to work on my patience, too, so thanks for the reminder!
They say that if your child never says she hates you, you’re not doing it right! But I love the way you’re inculcating kindness in your little one’s life, especially about dealing with the people who help us everyday.
It’s cute that children catch up on everything the parents say… they imitate and react the same way they see people around them do…. nice pointers for creating the right environment for them at home.. ????
I am not a kind person when I am angry , wow needed this I really need to change my ways and be a kinder mommy.
This is an amazing post
This is definitely a very powerful post and a powerful message. Kids watch every single move you make. They model their behavior after ours. So we need to be extra conscious in how we display ourselves – even in the most frustrating of moments!
Hey Amrita,
I’m not a mommy, but I am loving to my plants. I started growing seedlings maybe a month ago and I just took them out of there safe habit to live outside for a bit. I am a firm believer that even just speaking lovingly to your plants helps them grow.
Thanks,
Nadalie