Few people are purely extrovert or introvert.But children growing up have a difficult time knowing this.Why children? Even adults are often confused by their need for solitude.
Most people are a balance of extraversion and introversion.The percentages are flexible and can change with life’s challenges and situations.
People who enjoy social gatherings a lot are extrovert and those who don’t enjoy them so much are called introverts.But this is not an all or none trait.I enjoy parties and my friends.But not necessarily mindless socializing.
I also like my me time and solitude.Does that make me an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert ?
Whatever it is we need to learn to get along with people and live in society.If your child shows tend to avoid social gathering’s its time you had a a talk,
Is it always particular gathering?Friends, family or neighbor?
Does she,he enjoy the company of friends and relatives?
Does the behaviour change while socializing at home or at another place?
Does she have self-image issues?
All these questions need to be answered before we force children to mingle.Most children enjoy playing with peers.
But what if they don’t?What if they ignore, avoid and don’t enjoy?
Dangers Signs of social avoidance which you should know
- Lack of eye to eye contact
- Obsession with one particular toy or object
- Enjoys repetitive play
- Lack of interest in surroundings
- Enjoys solitary play at all times
- Inability to mingle.
- Inability to express their needs properly.
If your child expresses any of these signs talk to your doctor.
Otherwise, parents need to look inside and see how they themselves behave socially.There lies the clue to making children social.Do introspect about your own childhood behavior.What made you happy and what did you avoid?What about your partner?Behaviour patterns and personality types have a genetic influence too.
Then it’s time for you mommy to show how it is done!If you want her to be social, you have to be social too!.The best time to adapt children’s behavior is before they are five!
My Top tips to make socializing fun for the little one:
Have play dates at home.Start playing with your child and her friends and help them play together.When children enjoy playing they start socializing
Show them the fun part of socializing.The dressing up and anticipation.The joy in meeting friends and having a good time.
The food at parties will help too.Make them realize we are a part of a bigger family where we need to show up and be there for each other.
My sister used to resist going to family events because they bored her.At one age we all tend to get bored at social dos.Guess what?I carried my story books and sat and read in a corner with her if there was no body our age.Smiled and talked when someone approached and went up to say hello if we saw a favorite aunt or uncle!Mommy happy and sister happier!
Now as adults I still carry books and my kindle to public events (you never know when you may need it ).I also need a lot of solitude.Impossible in my profession and with a 5-year-old around.So now my solitude has a different definition.Me and Rai cuddling and playing hide and seek, followed by me doing some work or reading while Rai draws or plays with her dolls.At work, I try to have an emotional protective barrier on, to avoid becoming overwhelmed (happens with introverts in large crowds).
My little one likes socializing but not loud parties.She likes meeting friends and families and is always happy to visit them .I need more inspiration to meet strangers, friends and family than my daughter !When I was in high school I realized
Sometimes it’s better to be alone, than in bad company and suffering all the negative effects of peer pressure.
That realization came after loads of heartbreak .A hard lesson difficult to learn.So for me introvert or extrovert whatever it is, my child is adaptable.She is happy in the company she keeps and finds good company to keep.My work and responsibility are to help her find the good in people and the good people so that she enjoys being social.
[bctt tweet=”You are the average of the Five people whom you spend the most time with.” username=”misra_amrita”]
I have realized I like meeting people who have happy vibes.Problem is you don’t know till you meet them !I am treating this as an adventure and teaching my daughter the same .Hope she will be better at this than I am.With this happy thought, I am writing with you for #MondayMommyMoments.
Tell me how you teach your child social skills?
A very good post! I am sure many parents would benefit from the tips.
Thank you
Very nice topic you have chosen.This is very dangerous question in front of society.
Thank you
This is great information about handling kids.
This post reminds me of one of my student who hardly mingled in class. She loved doing things herself at home also she did puzzles reading n such stuff
Ah such great pointers to handle kids with different behaviours
I think both types of children are great in their own style unless introvert child loose their confidence and participation. In case of introvert child parents should take care more and should encourage them for being social and friendly with people around them. Beacuse this shy and limited nature leads to loose confidence which is require for further growth
Informative and interesting!
Well written AM, I am trying to find ways to make Bluey social. He takes time to open up with strangers even kids. But at home he is a storm.
I used to be an introvert person but now not. I spent good 20 years in that skin of shyness and hesitation. Thank fully my son is very out going and mingling even when he is still 3. So I am still in peace in thinking about his socializing skills. Taking book or kindle is a great idea really. You can be part of public gathering as well as kill your boredom.
Well said Amrita.We often become introverts and extroverts depending on the situation. This is present in both children and adults. But yes, if something is serious in a child then Dr. is to be consulted soon.
Good one! I think it’s mostly trial and error which decides the crowd we are most comfortable with. Even then, too much of it can be bad. A nice balance between self-time and social time would be a good thing. But what is that balance depends on individual. Some people are better off alone than mingling with a group.
What an interesting post to read, especially for our parents nowadays, this is important. I appreciate you talking about the bad side of this aspect for kids, a great way to show awareness for everybody. Overall, you’re an awesome parent showing details like this for us, and thanks for this greatness of you.
-Gerome of G&D Blog
Your posts are so so useful and informative, love reading it.
You have pointed out some really wonderful tips. I hopes these can help parents as well as benefitting their toddlers.
I identify with you. I love social gatherings where I know the people. At the same time, I enjoy solitude, especially if I am busy writing a book (which is most of the time).
I am an introvert but my job has made me a bit extrovert, but inherently I love my own company.
This is an informative and interesting read, Amrita. Agree, parents should look out for danger signs if their child shows signs of social avoidance. Earlier this is taken care of, better it is.
A lot of children are stuck in this video and cell phone addiction. I think that is why children become non social.
I also think of myself mostly introverted and love spending time by myself a lot. I have to make the extra effort to make sure l socialize . Loved reading this.:)
It’s important to see the danger signs as you said. As parents we need to be there to guide them and show them we care. All children are different and it’s ok to be not very social until it affects confidence.
I love all the great tips for younger kids, wish they were around when my son was younger
Teaching my kid social skills is a tough task for me when I prefer being a recluse rather than being out there. I do not enjoy festival gatherings but sometimes I talk myself out to mingle with people in such places just for the sake of D. No doubt I come back home exhausted. The definition of being social for D at present is easy and that is going down every evening to play for 1-1 and a half hours with his friends (without my supervision these days), attending the birthday parties and participating in apartment’s programmes.
Thats a very balanced way to mingle and not get overwhelmed.
Sounds like you are really doing a great job! You are a wonderful parent! I love that you said your job is to help her find the good in people — that’s such an important thing to teach.
xo, Taylor The Millennial Sprinkle (thesprinkle.tayloramead.com)
This was very much me as a child. I wish someone had recognized the signs. SHARED! Thanks,
I would say that an individual who possess both introvert and extrovert traits is an ambivert. I enjoyed reading your insightful post.
Great article. What a coincidence that your article explains the same thing that I have been reading. Have you heard of this book ?” The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen Laney. It is a great book. Thank you for sharing.
I also think of myself mostly introverted and love spending time by myself a lot. I have to make the extra effort to make sure l socialize and l think it is important especially for kids to help them come out of the shell. I like the idea of small play dates.
For my toddler, we usually have play dates on dedicated days of the week. Every evening he visits the society garden to play with his friends.